Date Everything! review – Swipe right on this dating sim where quirky characters and stellar voice acting take center stage – Destructoid

Weird, wacky, and downright wonderful, Date Everything! is an absolute triumph that has taken me to places I never could’ve dreamed up even if I tried. And despite how absurd it is, it’s also wildly entertaining in every way. 

Date Everything! is a gloriously goofy good time brought to life by some incredibly talented artists, and it’s also the best dating sim I’ve ever played. I went into it expecting a simple, strange, and silly game, but what I found instead is genuinely a masterclass for the genre.

From unemployment to unexpected romance

I wasn’t really expecting a storyline to follow, at all, let alone being so intrigued by it. The premise is simple: After losing your job to AI, a mysterious package lands on your doorstep. Inside are the Dateviators, a powerful set of glasses you can use to bring any household object to life.

From there, chaos ensues as you date every item in your house to achieve love, friendship, or hate. The storyline continues in the background as you get frequent messages from your old company, your friend Sam, and the mysterious individual who sent you this strange item.

You’re stuck in your two-story house, yet the sandbox nature of the game still somehow makes the possibilities feel endless. Between the ongoing storyline and the entertaining cast of characters, there’s always so much to do that you’d think you were on a vast open-world map.

The controls are a bit clunky at times when navigating around the house. Opening doors or going down the ladder in the secret crawlspace sometimes feels a bit finicky, but you quickly learn how to deal with it. Once you start chatting it up with a Dateable, which is what you spend around 90 percent of the time doing, it’s all smooth sailing.

Voice acted to perfection

The voices behind every Dateable you can meet make the game. It’s a fun guessing game trying to see how many of them you can identify on your own, because there is an abundance of voice acting legends disguised as common household objects.

The star-studded cast behind your household objects boasts credits from Star Wars, Baldur’s Gate 3, Marvel Rivals, The Last of Us, Fortnite, Genshin Impact, Avatar: The Last Airbender, and so much more. I really enjoyed trying to guess who voiced each Dateable when I first met them, and it’s kind of bonkers how stacked with talent this game is.

Every single voice actor gave this game 110 percent of their effort, and their commitment shines with every line of dialogue they deliver, no matter how absurd. Whether you’re concocting epic rhymes with the Lin-Manuel Miranda rapping imitator toilet Jean-Loo Pissoir, playing G&G with the D20 Chance, cringing at the wannabe Elvis shower Johnny Splash’s terrible songs, or throwing shade with your curtains Curt & Rod, the dialogue is always amusing.

Clever character designs give life to familiar household items

The character design is top-notch, creative, and weird in the best way possible. Every Dateable is a mix between a regular human and the object they are, making for some truly bizarre yet stunning designs.

Freddy Yeti the fridge keeps it cool with a fluffy white coat, Telly the television rocks a rectangular rainbow afro, Sophia the safe stuns with a top made out of money, and Amir the mirror dazzles in a shiny reflective coat. To accompany their designs, all characters also have unique voices, music, personalities, and dialogue.

Each time I met a Dateable, the designs captivated me, and I spent a decent chunk of time looking over all the fun details included in each outfit. From Beverly the mini bar’s spilled drink hair to Bathsheba the bathtub’s bubble earrings, the attention to detail is immaculate.

Most characters’ names are some kind of fun pun or reference to what they are. Then there are also just straight-up ridiculous names like xxXShadowl0rd420Xxx, Scandalabra, and Dishy, which you can’t take seriously at all. It’s all silly and a little on the nose, but that’s exactly what makes this game so charming.

It can be a bit tough to progress your relationship with certain characters who are summoned at multiple locations. I wasted a lot of charges each day trying to chat with them, only to be told I needed to search for them elsewhere. You can only chat with a Dateable once per day, and with only five charges at your disposal, it’s frustrating when you waste them.

A love letter to art and creativity

There’s a strong anti-AI and pro-human creativity message embedded in the main storyline throughout, and this game is a glorious testament to exactly why real art is so important. It’s a heartfelt homage that celebrates creative expression.